Day Ninety Three: Eduardo’s Road To Fitness

I had not touched a bike for almost two months but this did not matter for I had been swimming every day. I was a smidge over two hours into my first road ride and was happy. I felt great. Lungs felt good. Legs felt good. Bliss. I was excited. Deep in the hill country, a long way from anywhere, just me and my bike. No Phone. No money. Just the sun for company. All was good in the world.

Three minutes later the situation had turned from one of deep joy to one of surprise. I watched as every light on the ‘dashboard’ went off. I mentally stabbed at each button trying to figure out the problem. Brakes rubbing? Slow puncture? Mysterious headwind? Trick road that was actually uphill instead of flat? Nope. None of those. My legs had ceased to function. I was ‘pedalling squares’. Power? None. Cramping? No (but that was to come).

It is at times like these that I call upon my extensive vocabulary of profanities. I spiced up my stream of self-abuse with curiously underused words, pillock, twat and Muppet added flair where required. And then I began to laugh.

Laughter helps you know. Anyone that has ever spent time in a dentist’s waiting room will remember the awful Reader’s Digest Magazines (actually they were more of a book). They contained stories about people that left the house in flip flops rather than hiking boots to climb one of the highest mountains in the Himalaya, who were kept alive by eating tree bark and drinking their own urine. The Readers Digest also had a section called “Laughter The Best Medicine”. My point here is that laughter helps when you find yourself in a less than positive situation. You just have to laugh. What else can you do? Apart from wee in a bottle?

And laugh I did. Like a fool.

For the record, swimming every day makes you a good swimmer but it is of little help to you on a hilly, ninety kilometre bike ride. In the same way that leaving your hiking boots at home and setting off in your flip flops is a bad idea when attempting K2 so is trying to substitute cycling training with swimming training.

Lesson learnt. Thanks. It was bloody hilarious.

What a Muppet.

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